Your GPS sucks and so does your running
229 years ago, the „Urmeter“ saw the day of light. Since then for all running people in the world 400 meters are exactly 400 meters (Hereafter referred to as „400m“). At least it should be. However, with the invention of the modern GPS watch, the 400m became rather something like a matter of opinion and object of negotiation. If it wasn’t for the ego of millions of runners, no-one would actually give a monkey’s ass. But, once again, the internet makes the unseen seen. Watch me elaborate:
2020 has been a tough year for all of us. But one thing the recreational runner would not give up so easily were his/her great running achievements. No pandemic could stop us from running new personal bests (PBs) over all sorts of distances, from 100m to 100 miles and beyond. Or as we Germans say: „Jetzt erst recht.“.
The only problem: No organized races meant no certified and professionally measured courses. But once again, this snag could not prevent any of us from going wild. What followed was a never-ending downpour of new records, SBs, KOMs/QOMs, CRs (if you’re over 50, google all this) and PBs. The drawback: None of that crap counts. Why? Because GPS (and also Glonass, Galileo and Beidou) is a liar. Have you ever wondered why your last 10k result was very close to a national record? Or why the first Kilometer of your 50k run was done in 2:32 min/km? Exactly. That’s because of the bullshit data on your bullshit watch. If at all your 500€ device is helpful measuring the average pace and distance of a workout, split or interval and giving you a vague hint of what’s going on. Nevertheless this is far away from any reliable, and thus comparable, measure of athletic performance. Or to explain it in your language: „Sorry bro, that PB you posted doesn’t count.“.
To avoid such giant embarrassments I recommend bringing your Casio watch to a track and paying attention to all the doodle on the ground. When you cross the line where you first started a second time and have been smart enough to run on „Bahn Einssss!!!“ (shouted loudly with German accent) you have run exactly 400m and thus generated a reliable document of your current state of „I am the greatest runner in the world“. Take this disgraceful result into consideration before the next time you update your Instagram Bio with a new PB.
Disclaimer: In the end it’s all about positive vibes. Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy too. And I mean it.