Taking Action
I feel I’m on the right path. And even if I’m not, I am at least moving forward. And that’s a good thing.
I’ve been struggling a bit lately to get back on track with life. I realized that it has been derailed pretty much since April, when I got infected with Covid. Although the virus contributed to the overall deterioration of my well-ordered routines, it was not the main problem. What really put me into trouble was being too wasteful with my energy. I wasn’t aware I was living on tick for months and just recently found out, that I spent more than I gained.
So where did all the energy go? Western States, for sure. Yet still, I am adamant about my previous statement that Western States preparation was the easiest one I ever did since I started taking racing seriously. Sure, it’s been volumes and yes, there’s also been a couple of high intensity workouts. But during all those months I never felt burned out or stressed by running. A feeling that I often got in the past, when I trained for road marathons, for example.
It was mainly race itself and the weeks that followed, which put all my energy levels to 0. Not because the race was so physically exhausting, but because it broke my spirit. I am not writing this to devaluate the experience. It was one of the most important things that ever happened to me and I would not want to miss it. I am writing this to point out, that everything comes at a price. Even, or in particular, life lessons. In my case the price was higher and more longstanding than I originally thought.
Instead of recovering from this incisive experience I jumped headfirst into the next energy-draining undertaking: writing a book. I hadn’t planned to do this. It happened rather involuntarily. But it HAD to happen. That’s how it felt. For 3 weeks writing consumed every little grain of energy I had left after Western States. I literally wrote from the early morning hours until late at night and just couldn’t stop until the book was done. And so was I.
The following weeks were pretty much 'lukewarm'. Neither particularly bad, nor great. But my energy levels remained alarmingly low. Too low to look forward to betterment. My vacation in Chamonix was kind of a turning point, though. I had hoped that a one-week holiday in one of the most beautiful places in the world would "fix me" automatically, but it did the exact opposite. It was a wearing week, but at least it helped me to find out that it was me and only me, who had to take action. And that’s what I did.
So, on a more positive note: I am currently refilling my energy tanks with the installment of a number of new habits and the abandonment of old ones. Also by reflecting more carefully on how I actually want to spend my time and what gives me true contentment instead of just a quick boost of happiness. I’ll also be very careful with embarking on another life-project like Western States any time soon. Maybe it’s the more quiet and less visible things in running that come to the fore now.
Either way, I feel I’m on the right path. And even if I’m not, I am at least moving forward. And that’s a good thing.
