Finding Meaning in doing seemingly meaningless things

And when it’s time to move on, I will know

I started playing in bands when I was 17. First as a singer, later on as guitarist and occasional bassist. 17 is not the age where you deeply reflect on why you are doing what you are doing. It just felt right at that time. But even when it turned into a full-time hobby with being on tour, in the studio, organizing stuff, or writing songs almost uninterruptedly, I never asked myself why. Or what other things I could do with my life instead. It just didn’t occur to me.

Well, I am 43 years now, and it’s been 6 years since I played my last tour and put out an album. Viewed from this distance, it’s much easier to assess my former life as a musician. So let’s see.

Since the music I loved and played was always fast, loud and noisy, there was never much of a commercial aspect to it. Most of the time we lost money, and even if there was some cash left, we immediately put it into recording the next album or printing new merch.

Neither was this "traveling the world, seeing awesome places" thing true. To be honest, every club in every European city looks the same. There’s been hardly any tours where we could squeeze in a sightseeing trip to the city or countryside. It was all the same. Day in, day out.

And even though especially my last band (@gwltofficial) gained some momentum, I was a far cry from being famous or being recognized on the street. I can clearly say that this was never my goal in the first place. But I know many musicians who really got hooked on this perk. Either way, it was no reality for me.

Moreover, the dazzling party life of a touring band is a myth. First, it’s a lot of work. Second, your sleeping and eating is absolutely terrible. For weeks. Third, although you might be friends at heart, being in a band together is never easy interpersonally. Just imagine 5-7 people being crammed into a tourbus, smelly backstage rooms or tiny hotel beds for days and weeks, with hardly any private space. It’s an emotionally explosive brew.

Finally, I never regarded myself as an artist. So acting out my creative freedom was never the reason I played in bands. Although I always contributed big parts to the songwriting, I always regarded myself rather as a craftsman than an artist. I wanted to build stuff, to get things done. Things that work well. Not a very inspired approach, but an effective one.

That’s it for reflections. As you can see, I cannot tell you one proper reason, why I spent 20 years of my life playing in bands. Yet still, I did it with all my heart and never-ending enthusiasm. And this is where I am coming full circle with what I am doing these days.

Running eats up all of my time. It does not pay my bills. It’s highly repetitive, with zero chances for a big breakthrough. Likewise, it won’t make me famous, and it’s often an emotional rollercoaster, despite doing it on my own. Solely the aspect of traveling is a bit better. Races are all different, and usually, you get to see a lot of countryside or a nice city trip. But at last it’s equally pointless as playing in a band.

A couple of months ago, I coined the motto:

"Finding meaning in doing seemingly meaningless things".

There’s a lot of truth to this. Although it is very tempting for me to always analyze 'why' I am doing the things that I am doing, it’s maybe sometimes not necessary. Not even helpful. Sometimes the 'why'-question might already be answered by just doing it. Perhaps that’s the definition of a true purpose in life. And when it’s time to move on, I will know.