The Blunt Truth About My Running Hiatus
When a Forced Break Becomes a Blessing in Disguise
This Sunday, it's been exactly eight weeks since my last run. Officially the longest break from my sport since I first fell in love with running. This text could go on about how much I miss running, but that's not how I actually feel. Yeah, I'm surprised myself.
Of course, running is the best thing in the world, and if the Virgin Mary came down from heaven tomorrow and put a new meniscus in my knee, I would be jogging in minutes. However, there is a difference between "I can't have it now" and "I can never have it again”.
I can't have it now
"I can't have it now" is especially annoying when you've gotten used to something. When it has become a beloved routine, determining your daily life and dispensing small doses of happiness almost every day. With a little patience, which sometimes turns into anticipation, you can actually get through the time until "you can have it again" quite well.
I can never have it again
"I can never have it again" is another matter entirely. Patience does not help here. There is no anticipation. Instead, you need acceptance. And a way to deal with the loss and the change.
It’s good not have it
My injury-related break from running, however, feels like neither. It feels like it's exactly right for me at this point in my running life. Almost like an involuntary, voluntary break.
I've been thinking a lot about this impression over the past two weeks, and I'm now 85% convinced that I know why I don't miss running as much as I would have expected, and why I can handle the break so well: I think I was on my way to runner's burnout.
A runner’s burnout
A big word, I know. I wouldn't use it lightly if I hadn't experienced it myself. This was in 2018, at the height of my recklessness when it came to training, racing, and expectations of my body.
The symptoms of my runner's burnout could not have been more classic:
chronic fatigue
high pulse
low performance
lack of motivation
irritability
persistent muscle fatigue
The lack of motivation in particular was a real problem for me. When running degenerates from your "one and only" to an "annoying duty", it is difficult to understand and accept at first.
My way out…
My way out in 2018 was to only do things that made me feel good or at least neutral for a while. This included many new activities, and yes, a local triathlon was one of them. As a complete swimming and cycling noob, I was in no danger of getting caught up in toxic ambition. I took a similar approach to running. Whatever I did, it only had a right to exist if it was fun. The fact that I still managed to shave a few minutes off my marathon PB with this attitude is not surprising given what I know today, particularly what I experienced in Rodgau this year.
…And back in
2018 feels like an eternity ago. This is mainly because since then, I have learned to be more aware of myself and to listen more to what is "good for me right now". I have been doing very well with that ever since. Despite the ambitious pursuit of my beloved sport of running, I have not been in danger of burnout since then. Until April of this year. At least that is what I suspect. How do I know? Because...
Too much too soon
Apart from a short trip to Sierre-Zinal in the summer of 2023, I had been training almost exclusively for road marathons for a year and a half. In winter 2022/23 I prepared for the Bienwald-Marathon in Kandel, then in October for the Valencia-Marathon and directly afterward for the Hannover-Marathon with the well-known sub-3 marathon interlude at the Rodgau 50k ultramarathon.
But that wasn't all. Along the way, I also ran a new personal best half-marathon in Linz and another top-secret marathon that I've been meaning to tell you about for a long time, especially why I kept it "top-secret". Sorry for the cliffhanger, but that would be beyond the scope of this story.
When my monster marathon season was finally over, I immediately switched to trails and started preparing for track races. Three times a week in the mountains, twice a week on the track. The fruits of this ambitious training would be reaped in no less than 9 summer races. Yes, nine. I managed to compete in exactly one of them before I tore my meniscus.
Full circle
And that brings us full circle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I don't believe in fate, either. I think the truth is somewhere in between, but everything is connected to everything else.
And even though my torn meniscus came in the form of a silly accident, I still believe that it happened to me for a good reason. I think it was time to take my foot off the gas and stop the express train. Time for a break. A break long enough to close one running chapter and open a whole new one.
In my 11th Running Anniversary text, I write:
"Of course, it would have been nice(r) if I could have understood that without tearing my meniscus, but the result is the same in the end."
When I read that, I have to smile. A good sign. A sign of peace and acceptance. Of course, my injury still bothers me. Of course, it's annoying not to know if my conservative therapy is making progress or if I'll have to have surgery after all. Of course I miss running sometimes. But none of that can diminish the gentle feeling that what has happened to me makes sense.
Everything Not Running
I'm going on a cycling-writing-vacation. Short: Bikewritecation. I'll be taking the train to Geneva on Monday and cycling from there to Saint-Gervais-les-Bains, close to Chamonix, France. I'll be there at the beginning of the week for a UTMB press event representing the lovely folks at Alles-Laufbar.de, and then spend the rest of the week cycling and writing.
The following week I will ride my bike to Vercorin in the canton of Wallis in Switzerland to witness the two races SwissAlps and Sierre-Zinal as a supporter and spectator. Obviously not as a runner myself.
The whole planning of this Bikewritecation is still up in the air, but somehow I'm excited for the surprising and the unexpected.
You will definitely hear from me. I promise.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about a runner’s burnout. The last weeks i realized that I also got into some burnout with not only stress and ambitious goals at work, but also training for my first two half marathons last year, stopped by a Covid-infection of that I did not yet recover fully.
Did you also have impact on stress level and HRV in 2018 and this year?
Other question: gravel or road bike?